Coming Clean - Psalm 38

I’m going to be super honest….I’m really not feeling it now, so sorry in advance for this heaping pile of bummer, but like The Get Up Kids song down at the bottom of this blog says "To lie would be to compromise and I won't try." Depression has been kind of creeping up and nothing really seems to be ok. For the last week I’ve been struggling with anxiety like I’ve never felt. It is the hopeless frustrations of that anxious feeling every night; the feeling that I can’t really seem to pinpoint its cause is making it hard to keep my head above water per se. There are plenty of platitudes and honest truths that could be pointed to for hope. Look at the cross, go seek help, change your diet, blah blah blah. These things are not really in my power right now or are working.

1 Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger

or discipline me in your wrath.

Enter psalm 38. This psalm is one of only a couple of truly down in the dumps songs. There is no upturn at the end where the psalmist says something like “…but God…” It really is a dude in the dumps saying hey Lord, please don’t give me what I deserve because I just don’t think I’ll survive if You even look at me sideways. He is saying he is so crushed down that he only has an authentic depressed prayer left.

2Your arrows have pierced me,

and your hand has come down on me.

3Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;

there is no soundness in my bones because of my sin.

4My guilt has overwhelmed me

like a burden too heavy to bear.

The thing is that he says is that God has pressed upon him because of his sin. His sin has rotted him from within. I think it is really a good place to start. It’s like The Get Up Kids song Don’t Hate Me, he says “there’s constant reminders, in everything I see…” The David is saying that he cannot get away from the memory and indwelling of his sin. I can say from personal experience that much of my sin weighs on me, even if I have confessed it. My sin from today and all the cumulative sin of my past sits like a stone on my chest. I have fantastic friends that I can talk to about it, and a Lord who has forgiven me, but that feeling doesn’t really seem to ever go away. The church is filled with nonsense like John Owen who says you should foster guilt and kill your sin. Neither of those things is in my power.

The David goes on about his physical infirmities and those who hate him scoffing and looking for him to fall. Probably one the most poignant things he says in the psalm is in verse nine, ten and 15.

9All my longings lie open before you, Lord;

my sighing is not hidden from you.

10My heart pounds, my strength fails me;

even the light has gone from my eyes.

15 Lord, I wait for you;

you will answer, Lord my God.

I lie in bed as my heart beats out of my chest and my weakness is before me as I can’t do anything to un-sabotage myself. He acknowledges that the Lord sees it. But this is not a hopeful confession. Remember this is a down and out psalm. He is trying to talk himself into hope and still half accusing the Lord because He knows. In 15 though he redirects that half accusation and goes on. David is trying everything but as he does I feel the same

17For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me.

18I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin.

The confession feels like it falls on deaf ears here in this trough. It’s not a cure all and doesn’t set my heart or his, really, at rest. Desperation sits. His ends the psalm with a hail Mary pass.

21 Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God.

22Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior.

He has come. I know that. He came, laid His life down in the place I deserved and died, but as sit typing this, it is hard to feel forgiven. Truly it doesn’t at all feel like light yoke or an easy burden. I’m hoping and praying He hears me and restores me. For now all I have to hold on to is the cross, but this mental suffering is just overwhelming. What I need is what C.S. Lewis says

If God forgives us we must forgive ourselves 
otherwise its like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.

God, come quick, I am about to fall.

In Christ,

paul

music for the week (as usual: no claim of being not "offensive" but it is really good):

A Better Son/Daughter - Psalm 36

1 I have a message from God in my heart

concerning the sinfulness of the wicked

There is no fear of God before their eyes.

2 In their own eyes they flatter themselves

too much to detect or hate their sin.

3 The words of their mouths are wicked and deceitful;

they fail to act wisely or do good.

4 Even on their beds they plot evil;

they commit themselves to a sinful course

and do not reject what is wrong.

Well ok….it’s nice of David to write about me. This hits a little close to home but usually the psalm discussions of the wicked do that. Ok so all kidding aside, it really is small passages like this that do give me hope. He says that they can’t “detect…their sin.” Though I can honestly say I struggle with hating my sin in the fullest sense of the word but I can say I fuuuuullly doubt most any Christian that says they do. But he says they can’t detect their sin…I can say that the Spirit has done a fantastic job pointing that out in my life. I really hope that what I know of is all of it….who knows…maybe it isn’t but it is, as David says elsewhere in the psalms, “my sin is ever before my eyes.” I’m not going to say verse 3 and 4 are not me, because they totally are, but I do hope that they are reducing and lessening. I do fight it with what meager heart I have but I can say there is just no hope for me in that….so there is this.

5 Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the skies.

6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

your justice like the great deep.

You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.

7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!

People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

This is the only hope I have. I think that, since I see my sin and I fail (and we really all will by ourselves), that I will cling to the love of the Lord. Not to the justice, not to the glory of God but His love. I can say that His love is priceless because He has shown me how broken I am but then has poured out His grace and love to me. I can’t hold onto anything else but the truth of His unfailing love. My favorite Spurgeon quote is

“The justice [and wrath] of God is sheathed in the jewel encrusted scabbard of His love.”

Though my reformed brothers and sisters love and exalt many other aspects of God’s nature, all I can say is that those things, in my experience, push us to fall on our knees before Him for His love. There is nothing that so endears me to Him like His love. There is nothing but His love that makes me sing so loud, and transforms my life. There is nothing more precious, glorious, or amazing than His love. I really think His love is the comfort that Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. I find no hope for change or a future outside that. I can ever grow to be better or like Him outside of His love. It is my main motivation. Yet I still pray with David

10 Continue your love to those who know you, your righteousness to the[m].

Lord please continue your love and uphold me in Your righteousness because I do not have in me. Make me better and more like You because I can't do it...I do not have it in me. Make my evil and sin good as only You can, because I do not have it in me. All I have in me is rotten. Please make me clean. Make me a better son in Your household, because the only thing good in me....is You....Amen.

In Christ,

paul

music for the week (as usual: no claim of being not "offensive" but it is really good):

This Is A Fire Door Never Leave Open - Psalm 31

Honesty and transparency is hard some come by. We can really hardly ever find it in others much less ourselves. We are so unwilling to open up and say we are at a deficit and are hurting; that we are struggling to move on forward. I even stutter when I know I need to be and reluctantly relent to the truth. David says:

9 Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.

Prayer is powerful. It helps us to understand ourselves in relation to God and pushes us to be honest. I find it harder to lie to myself when I'm praying than any other time. I really think it isn't possible to worship the Lord, to reach to grasp the master, until we have let go of ourselves. Pain and struggles have a tendency to show us ourselves. It shakes our foundations of self confidence. I believe it is there to wake us to conscientiousness, to wake us from our selfish slumber, in order for us to seek out something (really someONE) that is trustworthy to hold onto. Unfortunately in a society of defiant self-reliance, we are told to scream our uniqueness and toughness over the proverbial affliction. We wear shirts that say "I beat cancer" or post things about "proudly being an introvert" that subtly (or not so subtly) imply "I will gladly sacrifice my brothers and sisters in Christ on the alter of my self comfort." Is it awesome that you have recovered from a disease? Yes! Did you really beat it? Is it cool that you know something about yourself? I think it is. But is it really something to be celebrated? No. It has a set of strengths and a set of weaknesses that need to be overcome same as being an extrovert. When we celebrate impediments, or suffering we've "overcome" we really defeat the Divine purpose of it. I want to admit my failings and my need, thereby freeing my hands of myself to grasp on to Him. Think about this line of thinking looking at the concluding verses of this psalm.

21 Praise be to the Lord,
for he showed me the wonders of his love
when I was in a city under siege.
22 In my alarm I said,
“I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the Lord, all his faithful people! (the call)
The Lord preserves those who are true to him, (the promise)
but the proud he pays back in full. (the warning)
24 Be strong and take heart (in Him),
all you who hope in the Lord

Let us abandon ourselves and grasp on to Him. Confess, repent and praise Him for He loves us and has forgiven us!

In Christ,
paul



music for the week (as usual: no claim of being not "offensive" but it is really good):

Vindicated - Psalm 26

Vin·di·cate
verb
[past tense: vindicated; past participle: vindicated]
    clear (someone) of blame or suspicion.
    "hospital staff were vindicated by the inquest verdict"
    synonyms:    acquit, clear, absolve, exonerate;

This is probably one of my favorite double meaning words from the psalms that is then filtered by the gospel. David screams to the Lord to vindicate him, because he thinks he has not done anything wrong, and that could be right, often in David when it is concerned with outward actions to Saul. David was upright in his relationship with Saul and his pleas are to the only one who can show him right but we know something else from the new testament authors: no one is right before the Lord. When David says in Psalm 26 "Vindicate me Lord" and we look at the following sentences, they aren't true before the Lord. Like Psalm 130 says "if You Lord kept a record of sins, who could stand?" The answer is no one. So when we look at David's petition "vindicate me Lord" it becomes a plea to be made right. The definition pivots its weight, and to "clear someone of blame" means something totally different. But isn't that what Jesus is? The great vindicator? God remains the only one who can vindicate us but to do so becomes, not totally different, but totally deeper! Jesus is the one who makes us right before the Father. He IS the one who clears us of blame before the holy and just judge: himself. He makes this true in the eyes of the Father.

"1 Vindicate me, Lord [He has by His obedience and sacrifice],
[therefore] I have led a blameless life;
I have trusted in the Lord
and have not faltered.
2 Test me, Lord, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind;
3 for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love
and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness."

Isn't that such wonderful news! Think of that as you sing. God has vindicated you, and not in a temporary way that depends on you but depends on Him. Praise Him!

in Christ,

paul



music for the week (as usual: no claim of being not "offensive" but it is really good):

They Look Like Strong Hands: Psalm 25

Over and over I run my own self into the ground. I try and hold my own ground. I trust that somehow, strength is inside me. It's like every time you swear you won't eat so much or [insert self control issue here] and you just end up doing that. I think "that porn site," "those cookies," "that shopping site/store," "my phone," "that couch," "that guitar," "that book," "those Netflix marathon"...those are just things. Inanimate objects, date, furniture. They can't hurt me, and they can't make me do anything I don't want to do. I just have to say "no" just like Nancy Reagan taught me to. That is totally true. Those things cannot do a thing to you and they cannot do a thing to me...that we don't want them to. But when the chips are down on the table, what do we do? We place our trust in ourselves, don't we? We think we can have strong bodies, strong minds, or strong hands and nothing or nobody can push us around!!! THAT, my friend was never the real problem. When the old testement and particularly the Psalms, talks about shame it means this: to be found to have placed your trust in something that failed you because it was not trustworthy.

Oh, and God forbid we ACTUALLY restrain. Say you say no to that extra helping; say you say no to those sweats that will for sure lead you to a minimum 5 hour Law and Order marathon. What then? How do you feel about that? What swells up within you? Your pride. The chief, numero uno, the big bad daddy that is at the root of all sin, and kicked off our fallen condition. You lay that beside the Cross. See Jesus in pain, and look that in the face. See what that puffy feeling feels like and that trust in yourself did. It should make you and me meek. Often enough, it does not, but when it does, truly does, it looks a little like this:

16Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

17Relieve the troubles of my heart

and free me from my anguish.

18Look on my affliction and my distress

and take away all my sins.

20Guard my life and rescue me;

do not let me be put to shame,

for I take refuge in you.

21May [the] integrity [of Christ] and [His] uprightness protect me,

because my [fruitful] hope, Lord, is in You

If and when we place our trust in Him, we place it in the only thing in the whole of creation that is trust worthy to save us....Jesus. The one who was not of creation but what all creation is from. Sing to Him your thanksgiving because:

"...no one who hopes in you

will ever be put to shame"

in Christ,

paul

music for the week (as usual: no claim of being not "offensive"):

When They Really Get To Know You They'll Run: A Psalms Devotional Introduction

I'm fairly certain this will all be me rambling but I honestly think it will be a good way to process the Psalms as I go though them. I guess I ought to introduce myself. I am Paul. I currently lead worship, all be it intermittently, but I love it. I never thought that I would be in this place since I've been jaded for a long time about church music and the church's view of art but I picked up a used book for $0.99 on a whim about a half dozen years ago. This book by Erik Routely (Church Music and Theology, 1959) changed a lot of what I thought about church music and art. That coupled with some new music coming out of Seattle and Florida put out by label runners that I knew and trusted as well as musicians that were beyond excellent, softened this old band dude. I read as much as I can on the subject now. Once "our band could be your life" sat alone and tattered in my bag; now it rests next to roughed-up copy of "rhythms of grace." I still play with some guys on the weekend in an emo band but I have grown into a love of applying my theological training with my musical training into something the blesses the body of Christ.

Now, I have a pretty simple morning reading schedule. I read a Psalm and the few following it every morning during the week, and the next week I just shift it one Psalm down. Usually I just share my thoughts on it with the body I worship with but I thought it might be a good idea to share them out as a way to digest and apply what I'm reading....if someone else gets something out of it, GREAT! I'm a pretty eclectic guy so if suggestions of  music that I'm listening to are too out there or I soapbox a bit, wait a week and I'm sure something will change and I'll calm down.

Anyway, I will filter all of these Psalms though a Romans lens, and specifically chapters 6, 7, and 8. Trying to balance the emotional appeals of psalmists should always be tempered by good new testament theology lest we get the wrong idea. I've dropped a couple of examples before this. They will look a lot like those but I'm sure things will grow. Please feel free to comment (graciously please), and ask questions. I will do my best to respond.






Music of the week (as usual: I make no claim of this music not being "offensive"):

Children Of The Promise

hey howdy hey,

I made a chord sheet for my new song. If you wanted it or were curious about playing it, I posted it below as well as a link to hear a demo.

Worshiping the Lord is a great honor and thankfulness is at its core. We are returning to Him with gratitude for what He has done and promised us! He has done so much for us but looking forward to the full completion of His promise is our hope. He has promised us a way to full reconciliation with Himself which He Himself accomplished. He has given us the guarantee, that is the Holy Spirit, of our eternal communion with Him. 2 Corinthians 5:5-8 says

"5Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

6So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord.
7For we walk by faith, not by sight.
8We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord."

Think about it though we are confident and have faith in a guarantee of His promise? Let me submit something to you....a guarantee is only as good as the one guaranteeing, and isn't He the only one who can truly guarantee?!? Emphatically YES!

-Paul

you can hear it here:
https://soundcloud.com/thedivisiontree/children-of-the-promise-demo

CHILDREN OF THE PROMISE

                 

C                  A*F/C

He formed the land

                       C                           A F/C

The seas and founts pour from His hands

            C                A F/C

But we hardened our hearts

                   C       A F/C

With wicked re-be-llion

      C               A F/C

He suffered and died

                       C                         A F/C

Our hope and rock pierced at His side

       C                     A F/C

The rift that Adam begun

              C                 A F/C

The holy savior has undone

            GMaj             F/C

But He saw what we are

                      GMaj    F/C

Lost sheep of His pasture

                  Am         C       F/C

We are the children of the promise

               Am         C               F/C

We were destined children of wrath

               Am                C              F/C

We were saved by the grace of a Holy God

                      Am  C           F/C                      C

To spend for-e   -  ver with Him, ever with Him

C          A F/C

Oh let us sing

          C             A F/C

Let us shout joyfully

              C             A F/C

Come before His presence

               C                    A F/C

The Holy King that is our God

C               A F/C

Oh come let us

           C                   A F/C

Bow before Him in worship

          C                     A F/C

Let us kneel before the Lord

                       C     A F/C

Our God our      ma - ker

      GMaj             F/C

He saw what we are

                      GMaj    F/C

Lost sheep of His pasture

                  Am         C       F/C

We are the children of the promise

               Am         C               F/C

We were destined children of wrath

               Am                C              F/C

We were saved by the grace of a Holy God

                      Am  C           F/C                      C

To spend for-e   -  ver with Him, ever with Him

       GMaj

The Son of God, Jesus Christ our Lord

        Am

Who was born of David

     GMaj

Declared by the Spirit of Holiness

        Am

The promise of resurrection

               F/C

Through Him we receive grace

       GMaj

As apostles to the nations

      Am

For His name we all are called

      BMaj

For His name we all are called

                  Am         C       F/C

We are the children of the promise

               Am         C               F/C

We were destined children of wrath

               Am                C              F/C

We were saved by the grace of a Holy God

                      Am  C           F/C                      C

To spend for-e   -  ver with Him, ever with Him

 (2x)

*The “A” is a quick drop of the root of the “C” chord to open A. It is not required. All “A”s are truly “Am”s

The “F/C” can be played as a F power chord or C power chord with lower F root or bass note. Whatever is preferred?

or....

CHILDREN OF THE PROMISE

(psalm 95, romans 1)

C                (A) Fmaj9

He formed the land

                   C                (A) Fmaj9

The seas & founts pour from His hands

            C                (A) Fmaj9

But we hardened our hearts

                    C     (A) Fmaj9

With wicked re – bell – i  - on

     C            (A) Fmaj9

He suffered &  died

                   C              (A) Fmaj9

Our hope & rock pierced at His side

       C                    (A) Fmaj9

The rift that Adam be-gun

              C                 (A) Fmaj9

The holy savior has un-done

             G                   Fmaj9

But He saw what we are

                       G           Fmaj9

Lost sheep of His pasture

                  Am         C       Fmaj9

We are the children of the promise

                Am        C               Fmaj9

We were destined children of wrath

                Am               C              Fmaj9

We were saved by the grace of a Holy God

                        Am C     Fmaj9              C         

To spend for - ever with Him, ever with Him

C (A) Fmaj9 C (A) Fmaj9

C        (A) Fmaj9

Oh let us sing

           C               (A)  Fmaj9

Let us shout joy – ful - ly

               C            (A) Fmaj9

Come before His presence

                C                 (A)  Fmaj9

The Holy King that is our God

C             (A) Fmaj9

Oh come let us

            C                (A)  Fmaj9

Bow before Him in worship

          C                     (A) Fmaj9

Let us kneel before the Lord

                    C    (A) Fmaj9

Our God our    ma - ker

             G                   Fmaj9

But He saw what we are

                       G           Fmaj9

Lost sheep of His pasture

                  Am         C       Fmaj9

We are the children of the promise

                Am        C               Fmaj9

We were destined children of wrath

                Am               C              Fmaj9

We were saved by the grace of a Holy God

                        Am C     Fmaj9              C         

To spend for - ever with Him, ever with Him

        G(sus4 6^th)

The Son of God, Jesus Christ our Lord

        Am

Who was born of David

     G(sus4 6^th)

Declared by the Spirit of Holiness

       Am

The promise of resurrection

               Fmaj9

Through Him we have received grace

     G(sus4 6^th)

As apostles to the nations

      Am

For His name we all are called

      Bbsus2(add9 flat5)

For His name we all are called

                  Am         C       Fmaj9

We are the children of the promise

                Am        C               Fmaj9

We were destined children of wrath

                Am               C              Fmaj9

We were saved by the grace of a Holy God

                        Am C     Fmaj9              C         

To spend for - ever with Him, ever with Him (2x)

 

Original tuning was DADGCE but can be tuned to standard and capo’d or modulated to anything.

 
Words by Paul H. from Psalm 95 and Romans 1
Music by Paul H.